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14-Dec-2015 22:05

You’re not the Big Lebowski: be a man and have your vodka straight up, with a side of chest hair!

Thanks to the toxic heyday of Zima, these alcoholic sodas are in every 7-Eleven and college bar across America.

If a guy approaches you at a DC nightclub with one of these drinks, make sure his next one tastes like gasoline!

Not only does Malibu taste like suntan lotion, it might as well have a removable bikini on the bottle.

While watching those reruns, check to see if you EVER notice a man drinking a cosmo!

While Carrie’s masculine jaw and Samantha’s overtly sexual behavior may be confusing, Russians must be ashamed to have their name on such a wimpy cocktail!

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Think: Nothing about the word ‘Malibu’ sounds masculine.

You have ‘Malibu Barbi’, the mid-sized ‘Chevy Malibu’ sedan, and the song ‘Malibu’ by Hole lead singer Courtney Love… Rolling through the club with a sex in the beach in hand will have you farther away from ever having sex on the beach or simply sex in ‘real life.’Are you meeting up with your gal pals to chat about the Oprah book club, discuss the your South Beach diet’s progress, and watch Sex in the City reruns?

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